>Want to be rich and famous with lots of sex on the side?

Golly mister, I sure do!

>We can't help you with that but we CAN help you with your music!

Jeewillikers, thanks! I'd love to pay you $49 to listen to my music!

>Check out our no nonsense Web Site at: 

http://www.don't-bother.com


Boy those folks are clever. Here's the list of search engine-grabbers:

acting african agents alternative american arista arranger artists audience
audio bach barry bass beethoven bells birdsongs black blues books capitol cd
cello chants choir chorus clarinet classical cobain comedy compact composer
composing concert conservatory contracts dance dancing disks drama drum
drums ensoniq entertainment ethnic flute funk gordy grunge guitar hall
handel happiness harp harpsichord instruments jackson keyboard label liszt
love lyrics magazine manager managers melody metal metallica michael
microphone midi movies mowtown mozart music musician orchestration organ
paranoia peace performance philosophy piano piccolo plays pop producer
publishers radio rap rca record recorder records religion rhythm rock
rolling ross saxophone score serenade sexophone singing songs sound star
stars stevie stone tabloids tamla tapes tchaikovsky techno television
theater trumbone tv vinyl viola violin wave
white wonder xylophone yamaha harmonia records harmonia records harmonia
records harmonia records harmonia records harmonia records harmonia records
harmonia records harmonia records harmonia records harmonia records harmonia
records harmonia records harmonia records harmonia records harmonia records
harmonia records harmonia records harmonia records harmonia records harmonia
records 

Da Mayor is the only "sexophone" player I know, but Ruby can wail on that
jackson keyboard.

I am seized by Liszt Love.

Piccolo plays pop producer, the musical "Man bites dog"?

Hey, Metal Metallica Michael was by Lou Reed, right?

Elsewhere on the site, we find:

"(For registering your material to be evaluated by us, we will send you one
of the CD's below, FREE OF CHARGE, that you may hear some of what we can do.) 
                                                                            
"CD: LOVROMANTICISM, a CD of distinction with the unusual clear-sounding
vocal talents of ZARRACE, Harmonia's most gifted and talented artist whose
song- writing and orchestrational skills surpass anything on the market
today. 12 songs of life, love, and philosophical thoughts of aspirations
define ZARRACE as a true and unshakable romantic. Just finished a tour of
Mexico and is now preparing for a trip to Holland, ZARRACE is destined to
become one of the greatest musicians of this century whose orchestrational
color in his alternative rhythm 'n' blues compositions has been compared to
that of Beethoven. A producer of most of our CD's, ZARRACE is at the very
top of Harmonia's best! 

"CD: MIRROR MY LOVE, a CD full of colorful arrangement and superb
professionalism. [Full of arrangment?] This CD of 10 songs is promoted on
the Asian market and is sung by RICKY LEE, an assistant to the producer
until the idea to promote an album on the Asian market captured Harmonia's
fancy. RICKY LEE, with his mellow voice, is not recognized as a professional
singer but if he keeps this up he may well develop into a possible future
master of romantic singing. 

"CD: WHISPERS, a CD of 11 haunting melodies and lyrics. All songs written by
Boris Yazlovitsky, a quitarist/songwriter [ri, you play the quitar, right?]
whose talents have come to the forefront of Harmonia's attention. A studio
musician and a road musician, Boris has gained insight into the world of
music and he knows the rigors of producing a quality and polished recording.
This musician will go far in the world of music. In fact, plans are in the
making to market his music in Russia. No doubt, he will be a smash! An album
of carefully orchestrated songs, this one will grab your brain and not let go. 

"CD: CHECKMATE, a CD filled with the rhythms of Rhythm 'N' Blues. This
toe-tapping, handclapping, finger-popping album of 12 "songs of life" will
hit you with need to get up and dance. From the lead vocals to the
background vocals, this album will make an impression in the world of music.
Zarrace, The Love Chics, and The Pow Wow Gang will have you rocking. You
will love it!!! 

"We are a label of ORIGINAL ALTERNATIVE: Rhythm 'N' Blues, Rock, Blues,
Folk, Jazz Rock fusion, Rap, Instrumental, Classical, Easy listening,
Various Other New Alternative Style."

The scene: the local Circle K. BOB, a youth, is sitting on the curb. RICK,
another youth, sits next to BOB.

RICK
Hey man, is that the new alternative CD?

BOB
Yeah man, this Mahler shit is da bomb!

RICK
I just picked up the new J. Mathis disc, "Mellon Collie and the Infinite
Vegas." It rocked my world.

BOB
Alternative!!! Yeah!


-alan